Movie review: Uncut Gems

I haven’t watched many movies recently. It used to be one of my favorite pastimes. I would pass the time spending hours glued to the TV. Go to the movies once a month or so.

My favorite films were usually gritty, violent, semi-disturbing, full of plot twists and strong characters. I loved movies directed by Quentin Tarantino, Martin Scorsese, Christopher Nolan.

I touched upon the topic in a post a few months ago. I’m not as keen to watch these types of films anymore. They don’t sit as well. When a movie can be described as “unsettling”, that’s exactly what it does. It gives me an uncomfortable feeling.

It didn’t always. I used to be able to watch movies about gruesome murders and have no problem sleeping at night. I guess it could be considered a good thing that I don’t enjoy filling my mind with such darkness these days. I don’t see the point in it. Especially since I have been touched personally by gun violence.

One movie that I had wanted to watch was Uncut Gems. I heard that it had great reviews from critics. Critics aren’t always the most reliable when it comes to finding a good movie. They tend to rate highly movies that are “unique”. Different. Unsettling.

That is the perfect word for Uncut Gems. I ended up sticking with it for some reason. Probably because one of the main characters was Kevin Garnett. One of my favorite NBA players on my favorite team, the Boston Celtics.

As I was watching the film, I saw the protagonist, played by Adam Sandler, repeatedly try to control situations. He owed a large debt to some unfriendly individuals. He seemed to have good ideas on how to pay it back. Different ways to come out ahead. Make more money. Wheeling and dealing. Squeeze the juice out of every transaction. Take a gamble. Risk big to win big.

In the end, he “won big” but it didn’t matter. All the great ideas. All that effort. All for nothing. I wont spoil the movie for anyone interested in watching. But at the end of the movie I could almost feel the character’s futility.

Probably because I know what it’s like to live that way. Granted the stakes were never quite the same. But I think all of us can relate to trying to find the best job. The best house. The best school for our kids. The best car. We always want the best for ourselves and our family and sometimes we will wheel and deal ourselves into a corner. Trying to run our own lives. Trying to control everything. Living life like God doesn’t have a say in things.

Watching the movie felt like a little wake-up call. For some reason I was able to sit through the whole thing. Even though it had a large dose of manipulation and violence and greed, it didn’t glamorize it. Rather it exposed how ugly that side of life can be.

I’m glad I don’t live on that side of life anymore. I don’t try to control every variable anymore. Just watching someone trying to do that on a screen feels unsettling. The opposite of that feeling is peace. That feeling comes from surrendering to Him. I check with God as much as I can. Run things by Him. Give Him the details so I don’t have to worry about them. What a better way to live.

Surrender

I surrender all. I remember hearing this song at “church” in jail. It was a group of fifteen of us. Sitting in a monitored room. Watching the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir on DVD.

For some reason that tune stuck in my head. Maybe it was the way the singer sang the song and held onto certain words longer than I was used to hearing. I had also remembered hearing this song as a church kid growing up.

As a kid I had no idea what this really meant. As a young adult I had no idea what this really meant. I am only beginning to understand this concept. Today I can look back and see the times where I did not surrender. All those times when I would make decision after decision. Minor ones. Most major ones. Never checking with God. Never praying before, after, or during. Living on self will.

I realize that I no longer wish to live this way. Surrendering to God is a lifestyle decision. It is a day by day, moment by moment choice. In every situation I have a choice. Free will. Do I choose what I want? Or do I check with God?

Sure, I can choose which socks to put on in the morning. Doesn’t matter much maybe. But what about the shirt I put on? The types of clothes I buy? How much money I spend on my appearance? Do I give these things to God? I never used to, but I’m learning that God wants to be included in even these seemingly minute details.

After all, I surrender all. Isn’t that what the song says? Not just important or difficult family matters. Life or death situations when I’m lying in critical condition on a hospital bed. Major career choices. All.

The way I see it is even the clothes I choose to wear impact the way I think. The way I see the world. The way I view others and how I hope others will view me. Does how I dress and carry myself reflect my “unique” identity and personality? Or do I allow God to trickle into these details?

I’m not talking about wearing t-shirts with large religious slogans or dressing like a monk. But do I revert to being name-brand obsessed, perfectly groomed, following the latest trends and fashions? What would be the purpose for that? Who am I trying to impress? Do those things still make me feel good?

I realize that God is in the details. Maybe more so than in the “big” things and choices. Choosing to buy a certain name-brand isn’t necessarily a “big” deal. But it is something that was important to me in the past. Something that mattered to me probably more than it should have. The Polo, Lacoste and True Religion was compensating for an emptiness in my being.

Somehow, it has lost it’s appeal today. I don’t feel as compelled to splurge on fashionable brands. Maybe it’s from allowing God to be my compass more. Giving him the little things. Letting him alter my tastes. Surrendering to Him the details. My life in the margins. Things I never used to consider asking Him about. Maybe if I give him these little things I’ll recognize his voice better when it comes to the big stuff.

Walking with God means walking with Him through the mundane. Just as the saying goes, the Devil is in the details. If that is true, then why not let God into the same ordinary details of life?