Watching myself

There is a new guy at our house. He got here a couple of days ago. Initially he was going to stay on our couch. But he has bronchitis. Coughing a lot. We asked him to quarantine before becoming a member. He received a COVID test yesterday. Still waiting on the result.

He is interesting to say the least. His first night here he wanted to sleep on our porch. The house decided to let him stay in the garage. His first night he completely rearranged the garage. Created a little bedroom space in the corner. Today he mowed the lawn.

He talks fast. He talks a lot. He talks about being on fire for Jesus. That he has been healed from his bipolar and doesn’t need to be on meds. He hung up on his mom when she was being “negative” about him being hyperspiritual.

All of this hits close to home. He appears to be in the midst of a manic episode. The hyperactivity. Hyperspirituality. Rapid speech. Overstepping of boundaries. The other members of the house can feel something not quite right with him. They don’t have the experience dealing with someone with mental illness.

I could sense something unsettling when he first arrived. Something about him didn’t sit right. I mentioned that he might be manic or hypomanic. We agreed to give him a chance. None of us wanted to see him homeless.

There’s a growing feeling that we may have made a mistake. But he has yet to do anything blatantly wrong or against the rules. He seems to be sober. He should be able to start paying rent tomorrow. He doesn’t really follow the boundaries of a quarantine. But neither is much of the state of Texas for that matter.

A couple of my roommates and I had an in-depth discussion on how to address certain issues. One of them is he doesn’t consider himself an addict. He claims to be healed from all afflictions through God. But one of the tenets of Oxford House is self-identifying as an addict. Pursuing a life of recovery. Another issue is his mental health. He said he was receiving mental health services. Yet he doesn’t take medication. There can be severe ramifications to these issues.

These types of situations can be somewhat stressful. It can become tense. Drama. Just comes with the territory of living in a sober living house. Fortunately I have a little experience with bipolar and mental illness. Not quite an expert. But I can identify the signs.

It feels like I’m watching myself a bit. I can remember feeling on top of the world. Talking until I was blue in the face. On fire for Jesus. But then I became Jesus. Hopefully it doesn’t go that far for my housemate. If it does we are in for a little adventure. I hope that I can assist him in getting help if needed.

A part of me just wants to watch it all unfold. Sit on the sidelines. It is draining just talking and thinking about it. It brings up old, painful memories. But considering I have this experience I know I can’t just be a spectator. There is a human life here. Someone who may be sick and getting sicker. He needs assistance. I just pray for the wisdom to help guide and support his recovery in the right manner.

Definitely a wake-up call. That was me. That could still be me if I’m not careful. Like I said it feels like I’m watching myself. It also means I need to watch myself. Take care of my own recovery.

I’ve been wanting to get more involved in mental health advocacy. I guess I’m getting some hands-on experience.

Recharged

A nice day. Had the day off. Spent the first part of my day on various phone calls. A therapist session. Bible study with my cousin. A chat with my sister and dad about a possible Thanksgiving reunion.

I decided to get out of the house for a little. I drove up to Panera, my new work-spot. Sat outside. Pulled out my laptop. Made some more phone calls for my house. I’ve found that it’s nice to have a “third place” to go to break up the monotony.

While I was there I had a brief conversation with Quincy. Everything is all good. He was actually concerned about me. He hadn’t heard from me in a week or so and was a little worried. He knows about my struggles with mental health and addiction. We did meet in rehab after all. It felt good knowing that he was concerned for my well-being. I thought he was ghosting me. He thought I may have fallen off the deep end. Turns out that it was all just technical difficulties.

I also did some window shopping. Ended up buying a thick winter jacket. Saw a nice deal that I couldn’t pass up. Knowing how Texas weather can go to unseasonably warm to frigid, I know it’ll be money well spent.

Came home to watch my favorite team, the Boston Celtics. They lost a nailbiter. The only low point to an otherwise fantastic day.

After the loss, I decided to blow off steam by playing some basketball with my roommate. Lost a couple of games. Redeemed myself right before the lights at the park shut off. He is a few inches taller. Almost a decade younger. Super athletic and built. I didn’t do too bad for an old guy. Didn’t do too bad for someone who wasn’t expected to live a little over a year ago.

I’m blessed. I was able to have an enjoyable day off. Productive. Full of healthy and recovery-oriented activities. After a frustrating day yesterday, today was refreshing. I felt a little burnt out yesterday. I feel good today. Maybe it’s the tweak in medication. Perhaps it’s due to the positive activities I chose to do throughout the day. Either way it’s nice to have a day to recharge. I’m ready for the rest of the week.