Kanye part 2

After writing yesterday’s post about Kanye, I began to think more. While I was saddened by his fall from grace, I do believe there is a silver lining. Especially for those suffering from bipolar, manic episodes, and psychosis.

If anything there is a massive amount of exposure. Most of the times manic episodes are’t captured on video. Their Twitter rants aren’t all over TMZ and People magazine. But now the public gets an intimate glimpse of what bipolar really looks like. More knowledge equals more understanding. More understanding can lead to more compassionate care.

It could also become a rallying point for the rest of us. Yes there are some who are still judging him and ridiculing his behavior. But maybe it’s time for those who are usually in the shadows to speak up.

Most of the people I come into contact today know very little about my mental health struggles. But because of Kanye’s situation, mental health, especially psychotic manic episodes is now a talking point issue. It opened up the door for me to share a little bit of my story with my roommates. I realize that plenty of people are kind and strive to be empathetic.

In today’s technological age, Kanye’s manic outburst has been captured and retweeted and shared countless times. What if his recovery could be captured in the same way? How many people could be impacted in a positive way?

I pray that he gets the help he needs. That he finds the right balance to help him live a healthy life. That he allows God to heal his mind and relationships. I believe Kanye has enormous potential to be an advocate for mental health. He has a huge platform. I pray that he gets there one day.

But in the meantime I’ll use my much smaller platform. Speak up. Share my journey of recovery. Advocate for myself and others. Do what God puts in my heart to do. Go with God. I’ll let him grow my platform if it’s His will and get out of His way. Who knows, maybe Kanye might even read this one day.

If you’re reading this Kanye, remember, Jesus Walks with us.

Kanye

I’ve been drawn to Kanye West for awhile now. It dates back to his first album. Jesus Walks. Powerful song. It ended up somewhat serving as a catalyst for my first manic episode.

I had already been exhibiting psychotic symptoms. I was already feeling powerful. Like a prophet. Then I heard Jesus Walks. The song was about me. I’m Jesus. That was and is my main psychotic delusion when I become manic.

Kanye also has a song called Through the Wire. He details about how he broke his jaw and had to rap while his jaw was wired shut. My jaw was also broken in 2012. I also rapped while my jaw was wired shut.

Several years ago Kanye was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I could see it before the public announcement. His intense rants. Erratic behavior. Grandiosity. Textbook case. I’ve been there.

And that bring us to the present. When he announced he was running for president, I knew he was in the midst of an episode. His efforts were scattershot. Blanket statements with no backing. I knew there was no way it was going to end well.

And then yesterday. His public meltdown at a campaign “rally”. The bizarre statements about Harriet Tubman. The over-disclosing of private life details. The emotional outbursts. The yelling and crying. Textbook symptoms.

It is sad to see. He is a public figure. A talented musical artist. A fashion trailblazer. A creative genius. When he is healthy he is capable of great things. Jesus Walks was a bold song that defied mainstream hip hop’s gangster culture and brought God to the radio. Less than a year ago Kanye released the album Jesus is King. According to Wikipedia “the album became the first to ever top the Billboard 200, Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums, Top Rap Albums, Top Christian Albums and Top Gospel Albums at the same time.”

To see his manic episode unfold in public is a jarring experience. It’s like watching my own psychotic Facebook videos I made during my last episode. It’s cringe-worthy.

I wish I could just wake him up. Stop him from hurting himself. Tell him how deep, dark, and twisted mania can be. I realize that is exactly what my own family has tried to do for many years.

At the end of the day, the mania will run it’s course. There is no other recourse. His family has tried to get him committed to save him from himself. Kanye has turned them into the enemy. It feels like I’m reading articles about myself.

A couple months ago I made a vision board. I put on different goals. Aspirations. Pictures of family. Inspirational words. I meant to put several pictures of famous or important people I’d like to meet one day. People I’d hope to collaborate with. The only picture I could find in the stack of magazines was Kanye. He is still there. Hanging out above my dresser.

As I look at the picture, I can only say a prayer for him. He will likely continue to spiral. His businesses will suffer. His career will be impacted. His own life could be put in jeopardy. But I do know he is a believer. It is a comforting thought to know that whatever trials he goes through, God will be there waiting for him at the other side. Just as God was there for me.

I can only pray that Kanye finds God sooner rather than later.