The right thing to do

I had purchased a Galaxy smartwatch a few weeks ago. The first time I ordered it, UPS apparently lost the package. I ended up getting a refund and ordered it again. It ended up being a great purchase. Works well. Useful for when I’m at my job. A very reasonable price.

I got home from work an hour ago to see a package on the table. It’s from the company I purchased the watch from. It looks to be the watch that UPS had misplaced.

My initial reaction was one of excitement. I got something for free. A very nice smartwatch at that. Maybe I can sell it or gift it to someone. The company probably won’t even notice. But then I felt my conscience nag me. Am I living with integrity?

I know in the past I wouldn’t have thought twice about the situation. I remember one time when a cashier forgot to ring in a very nice pair of shoes. I noticed what happened and kept silent. When I got into the car I took a look at the receipt. Jackpot. I got some free Lacoste shoes.

Just earlier today I fibbed to my manager. I told him that a table didn’t like their mozzarella sticks. In reality I had rang the wrong item accidentally. I didn’t want him to get on my case. I instantly felt guilty. I’ll need to make my amends on that one.

It’s so easy to slip into a gray area. No one will know the difference. My manager will probably never know. The company I bought the smartwatch probably already wrote off the loss of product. But God knows. I know.

I can’t afford to continue to slide on this matter. Honesty matters. Living with integrity is not a sometimes thing. It takes effort to live this way. It’s natural to slip into deceit. I know how things can spiral. I refuse to go down that path. Last time I allowed myself to be wishy-washy with my integrity my entire life became a lie.

My life has improved dramatically when I began trusting God and trying to live the right way. I’m far from perfect. But I know that living this way is worth it. God blesses me with so much. Why do I need to manipulate things?

Maybe it’s all a test. God seeing if I really mean business. There is the potential for more blessings in the future if I continue to trust Him. Am I willing to trade that for a smartwatch I don’t even need? I have faith God will take care of me if I continue to do the right things for the right reasons.

Chasing the wind

Money. Career. Accomplishments. A family. Love. Pleasure. Social standing. Belonging.

In and of themselves, any of these can be considered normal goals. I’ve pursued after most if not all of these at some point in my life. Yet, I was never able to attain a lasting satisfaction. Even after checking the boxes. Decent paying job. Check. Promising career. Check. Good family life. Check. Loving wife. Check. House with mortgage. Check. A few zeroes in the bank account. Check.

I had these things for awhile. I loved life for awhile. And I still threw everything away. Something was unresolved in my soul. A silent sickness. An addiction that I refused to address. The type of cognitive dissonance that drives a wedge between me and God.

To the world, to my family, to my church, life was good. While I thought I was being a “good Christian”, I was living a double-life. How did it happen? Through a general numbing. The first lie felt bad. But the second one, less bad. The third, even less. Until I was completely numb to my conscience. During brief moments of reflection, I told myself I would stop. Every time. But I didn’t. One cover-up led to another. One deception gave birth to another. And another. Until my whole world became a house of cards. Waiting for the hammer to fall. And when it did, my beautiful illusion was destroyed in a moment.

Today, I have a better understanding of how such things happen. Not in one moment of weakness. It happens when I chase external things to satisfy. It happens when I lose contact with God. It happens when I ignore that little voice. When I lose that sense of peace. When my moral compass is jolted and I do nothing to recalibrate.

Today, my compass feels calibrated. It’s not pointed towards material things. Nor is it pointed towards “good” things. It is pointed at peace. The sense of peace that can be fleeting. If I allow it. If I allow myself to be blown away by the winds of temptation, anxiety, physical and soulish desires.

Peace. The sense of peace that comes from living in God’s will. I know how difficult it is to keep. To maintain. It is something I need to protect with moment by moment vigilance. It is a full-time job. Thankfully, I have the best employer. With God’s assistance, my life has become less of a chase and more a daily walk.