Great things

God you have done great things. That was the lyric of a song streaming on my Christian music station. Redemption. Freedom. He brought us back to life.

I don’t want to go into too much detail. For fear of “jinxing” things. Or jumping the gun. But it feels like God is doing great things.

I’ve felt this way before. Usually when I’m about to embark on a manic episode. That’s when things aren’t just going great. Things feel destined. In a way the things happening right now feel that way. Hence, the need for caution.

I realize that this is an important time in my life. The balance I’ve created for myself can be swayed by “big ideas”. Grandiose plans. My life is hanging in this balance. If I tip, I could lose my sanity. My freedom. My family. Quite possibly my life.

Hence, I proceed with caution. I can’t help feeling excited. There are some great possibilities in the pipeline. But I must continue business as usual. Medication. Sleep. Therapy. 12 Steps. Faith. I can’t scrap the building blocks of my recovery. Even if there are promising developments on the horizon. If anything I need to double-down on these things to ensure I’ll have the support needed to take my journey to the next level.

So what is the next level? I would say that it would be when I progress from simply surviving to fully thriving. I’m definitely past the point of surviving. I don’t have to budget my commissary account to buy ramen soups. I thank God for this new life.

In a way I am already thriving. My job is great. My family life is progressing in the right direction. Materially I lack nothing (except a car). But I can see self-actualization on the horizon. Living life full of purpose. Living to my potential.

Will I finally get off the rollercoaster? Finally stay stable and achieve great things? Or will I allow another episode to derail my life? Maybe this rollercoaster is just life itself. Full of twists and turns. Sometimes scary. Sometimes dangerous. But a thrilling ride nonetheless. When I get manic I fly off the rails. This go-round I’m making sure I’m buckled in tight.

God, I give you my future. Thank you for this opportunity for you to add to my testimony.