Falsely accused

Do you have a gun? My roommate asked me that today. What? No way. Apparently the folks at CVS saw you in the store with a gun in your waistband.

Immediately, anxiety. Racing thoughts. What if the cops get called? What if they bust down the door to the house with guns raised? What if my bond is revoked and I have to go back to jail? What ifs what ifs what ifs.

When I left his room, I said a prayer. God, whatever you want me to do give me the strength to do it. I got the feeling that I needed to tell him about “the incident”.

Up to this point, no one in the house knew what really happened to me. Why I was in jail. The things I went through. I kept it to myself for awhile. I didn’t want others to judge me.

So I let it all out. I set the stage by showing him my indictment. The legal document clearly said that I was charged with “threatening an officer with a pellet gun”. A third degree felony. Then I told him what happened. How I had a manic episode, had a bb gun, and laid it on a table in IHOP. I told him I was shot with an AR-15. I told him I should’ve died.

He was remarkably supportive. I shouldn’t have expected any less. He’s been through a lot himself. He went on to share some of his personal experiences with psychosis.

He also went on to say that he believed everything will be all cleared up. Must’ve been a mistake. Maybe they recognized me from the news and are either imagining things or spreading rumors. Either way, it’s not in my control.

Yet this situation reminded me just how delicate my current state of freedom is. How in an instant, everything I’ve been working for could be taken away. By a rumor. Maybe I was getting too comfortable with my new life. Working. Making money. Buying nice things. Maybe it was a reminder that I need to continue to give my life over to God. These things out of my control. I can’t help if people spread false rumors about me. I can’t help if they decide to take it to the next level. But I know my God has a plan. I know He is the one in control and desires me to earnestly seek after Him.

If that was the message, I received it. Loud and clear.