A similar path

March 2012

You better shut up or else I’m gonna cuff you. Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try

Typical manic brashness. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In my episodes I become the ultimate rebel. Loud-talking. Potty-mouthed. Attitude of not giving a —-.

The correction officer walks towards me. I take a step back. Before I can react the officer is punching me in the face. I drop to the floor. The hits keep coming. I guess this is what always happens.

Oh daaang. Did you see them beat up that chino? They wrong for that! The inmates are appalled.

They try to clean me up. I’ve been through this before. Hell no, I want the world to see what you did to me. I refuse medical treatment.

I take my mugshot with my face covered in blood. I grit my teeth and put on an angry face.

Eventually they book me in. The next day I’m served with an indictment. I can’t believe what I’m reading. I was booked in on a gram of marijuana. A misdemeanor. Now on the paper it read that I am being charged with a second degree felony. Assault on a public servant. I am facing two to twenty years in prison. The sheet read that I got in a “karate stance” and struck the officer in the face, and “fell and bit my lip” while they tried to restrain me.

And thus began a long journey of recovery.

I ended up being locked up for nearly two years. Intense prison/rehab/behavioral modification program. Ninety days in a Salvation Army program. Three years probation. Two years in a sober living home.

Even though I was falsely accused of a crime, I did what I had to do to stay free. I stayed sober. I stayed on my medications. I paid my fees. I paid my dues.

Sometimes I’d look back and get upset. I didn’t even do anything. I got beat up by an officer. And now I am getting charged with a crime? In many ways, that situation echoes the situation I am in now. I was shot by the police and now I am being charged with a crime.

I realize today that this is how the legal system works. It is meant to be transparent. But in reality it only appears to be. Many times the blindfold of justice is really a blindfold on the public. Criminal charges are thrown around to cover up mess-ups in the system.

I could go on and on. But I know that getting in this mindset fills me with anger. Today I have no room in my life for anger.

After 2012, I put my head down. I did everything I had to do. I worked hard. I saved money. I bought a car. I met a beautiful girl. I got married. I started a family. I started a career. I even bought a house.

Even though it all started because of a terrible mishap, God used the situation for good. I began using my story to help others. I became an advocate for mental health. I had a purpose. My life was good for awhile.

I know today, I am on a similar path. It all started with a terrible tragedy. But I know how this works. Everything will work out.