Attitude of gratitude

Having a grateful outlook is easy when things just start getting better. I remember being able to eat for the first time after waking up from my coma. Being able to walk without assistance. Realizing I was strong enough to play basketball and handball. I remember getting out of jail and treatment centers. My first slice of pizza. My first ice cold soda. The feeling of a soft mattress. Checking my email for the first time. My first embrace with my wife, son, sister. Playing with my dogs again. My first day of work and first big tip. The list could go on.

Those first moments were gold. I felt such a wave of appreciation. I felt like God was smiling down on me, his blessings raining on me. I experienced grace and love and mercy in abundance. I soaked it in and enjoyed each moment. It was easy to do because it had been so long. I had been through so much.

But what happens after those “firsts”? I realize that being grateful for each moment requires practice. Losing that attitude of appreciation comes naturally. Pizza gets old. The soft mattress feels commonplace. Maybe I need a mattress topper. Instead of being grateful I can walk, I complain in my mind about having to walk all the way to the freezer to restock the ranch dressing at work.

It hasn’t happened yet, but it can happen with the people in my life as well. It happened in the past. I took my loved ones for granted. It became a known fact that they would be there for me, day in, day out. Until they weren’t. Until my self-destructive actions destroyed everything I valued in my life.

Today, I realize the importance of being grateful. Grateful for the little things. For the big things. For things that aren’t things. Love. Family. Support. Companionship. Fellowship. Accountability. Responsibility. Freedom. Peace. Life.

I’ve fallen down the slippery of taking life for granted. It happens gradually. But the impact can be felt in one life-altering experience. I know today the work it takes to remain thankful for every aspect of my life. Waking up each morning and having a gratitude list. Telling my loved ones every chance I get that I love them and appreciate them for being in my life. Telling God during the still moments, thank you for this new life.

Things won’t always go my way. What once felt like such a blessing can begin to feel mundane. I’ve felt that before. I can feel traces of it today. Feeling the rain for the first time after being locked in a cell for a year was an exhilarating experience. Riding my bike in the pouring rain after being on my feet for several hours at work can be a downer. Sometimes I catch myself muttering curses. But I refuse to go down that path of discontentment again. I know where it leads.

Today, I am grateful. Today, I look back up at God and I smile back at Him. Even when it rains.